I’m obsessed with wrestling. Yes, pro wrestling. Yes, the WWE. Yes, I’m serious. Warning: this post was created outside of sobriety and the author has little memory of what this is about. (stolen from RevFitz on deviantART)

Zack Ryder is the shit. Seriously. Internet Champion, creator of a great YouTube show (Z! True Long Island Story), and now US Champion? RYDER YOU ARE MY HERO. If it weren’t for your unhealthy obsession with Bud Light Lime (seriously, who drinks that shit?!), I would party with you. Instead, I shall party on my own with Two Hearted Ale. Is that what I’m drinking? Yes, I think so. I don’t even know at this point.

CM Punk is sex. Sex incarnate, I tell you. Like, really good rough sex that leaves you bruised everywhere with lots of hickeys in odd places and you’re really sore and you feel awesome.

No, wait, the Miz is sex. Gay sex. Very gay sex. Like, gayer than Brokeback Mountain. And I love him for it. HE’S AWESOOOOMMMMMMEEEEE

Ziggler is a fantastic heel. And I love his ring music. I AM PERFECTIOOOONNNNN!!! I listen to that when I work out.

Speaking of working out, I do. Every day. Well, I missed Tuesday because I was with someguywhodraws. Who is my boyfriend. Again. Got together, split up for a year and a half because I wanted to find someone better, I learned that there was nobody better, got back together. <3 But yeah, I work out. A lot. I somehow grew to 160 pounds again and I hate all this flab and I’m out to get rid of it. GIRL LOOKIT DAT BODY - I WORK OOUUUUUTTTT (1000 Internets to whomever knows what song that’s from and can name the artist)

John Laurainitis is the biggest loser ever. He’s a great corporate heel. Everyone loves to hate him. 

Cole is also hilariously evil and must die a horrible death. Except not. Because he’s hilarious and I want him to stay around so we can continue to hate him.

Kane is just…meh. He looks scary and shit. Whatever. He did choke-slam Cena, though, so I give him points for that.

Speaking of John Cena, Cena is a loser. Best WWE line ever: “By the way, ‘Cena’s lady parts?’ Trending worldwide.” Cena, you have lady parts and you lose at life. The Cenation has turned on you. Hell, there’s a “CENA SUCKS” T-shirt. Have fun being a heel.

Speaking of people who have fun being a heel, R Truth is amazingly awesome. And he and the Miz were totally gay together and then they broke up because Truth wanted to bottom for once and Miz wouldn’t let him. And they broke up. And there were tears. That’s why their tag team broke up. This is headcanon between me and someguywhodraws. Because he is hilarious and amazing and goes along with whatever I say. So if I say the Miz is gay, he makes up amazing headcanon to fit it. That is just how awesome my boyfriend is.

Speaking of my boyfriend, I love him so much. <3 Spending a year and a half searching for someone better taught me one thing: There IS no one better. Seriously. It doesn’t get better than dating someguywhodraws. He bought me new headphones for Christmas and I can’t wait to get them.

But more so, I can’t wait to give him HIS present. His present is me, wrapped in Victoria’s Secret, Epic Mealtime, bacon, unicorns, and ribbon. How did I fit Epic Mealtime, bacon, and unicorns in there? Maybe I’ll post a pic of part of the present later…if Nick gives me permission. ;)

Victoria’s Secret is incredibly expensive (seriously, $52 and $12.95?!) but really nice. The girl there, Luna, was totally cool and we had a hilarious conversation which I am about to post.

Yeah. I’ll stop drunk!rambling now and go post that conversation.

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